Friday night, my husband and I went to Ruth's Chris in Wooldand Hills for steaks.
The following is a sample of our dinner repartee. My excuses are 1) We were famished and 2) We've been married so long we need to entertain ourselves with whatever is on our table or surrounding us in lieu of date-like conversation -
First, the waiter arrived with my husband's martini, and then placed my glass of Pinot Grigio down on the table; it was in a massive wine glass with a small puddle - the amount of what appeared to be about four grapes - at the bottom.
Waiter: Is there anything else I can get for you?
Me: (Looking at my huge wine glass filled with its relatively small amount of Pinot Grigio) Yeah, some more wine.
He laughed and walked away.
I tipped the huge glass back trying to sway the thimble sized amount of liquid into my throat.
My Husband: Hey, there's Alicia Silverstone!
Me: (Head swiveling) Huh?
Oh, right, that was a joke. We were in a steak restaurant and she's a vegetarian. These are the things married people who also work together all day long say to each other over dinner.
But my stomach was empty and the wine fumes must've been getting to me, because I laughed. My face was surrounded by the huge wine glass goblet. I tried to tip the wine toward my face. As I laugh, the sound bounced off the inside walls of the humongous wine glass. The whole restaurant can hear..."Hawwwww awwwww aaaaaah aaaahhhh... Hawwww awwww ahhhhhhhhhh."
Me: (clearly in need of something to do to get my mind off my hunger, I grab the lacey paper doiley under my salad plate) Hey, a hat!
The bus boy is trying to clear our table for dinner. Very seriously he says, "Uh... Okay. I was going to clear the table but you can have that as a hat."
I hand over the doiley.
The busboy looks at my husband who is still eating his salad. "Can I take your salad plate, sir?"
My husband said, "No, thanks. I'm still eating it."
There were about four big bites of salad on his plate. The busboy stood over my husband watching him eat, waiting.
My husband stared at him and stopped eating. The bus boy got the hint and left.
The chopped salad was great, but we wanted what we came for: Sizzling, juicy meat.
We then hear that familiar sound - the loud sizzle. And we smell the aroma of melting garlic, butter and meat. A cart is set up in front of our table. My husband and I, both smiling, enthusiasically grab our forks, ready to pounce.
The male server looked at my husband, "Looks good, huh?" My husband nods and so do I.
The server then takes the sizzling plates of food and hands them to the table next to us.
What? That's not our food? "You tease!" I yell to the server.
Then my husband and I discussed the situation.
Husband: It didn't look like a steak anyway... think it was chicken.
Me: Yeah, those weren't potatoes.
We realized we were like Pavlov's dogs - Sound, smell... time to eat!!! Even though our eyes were conveying a whole different message. Rather than our steaks and potatoes, they were actually plates of chicken and some other vegetable entirely. Our senses were so overwhelmed they had overloaded and our messages became crossed.
The next time the server arrived and placed a sizzling cart before us, we both paid careful attention with our eyes. Two sizzling steaks? Check. Fluffy, garlic mashed potatoes? Check. Ours? Please!!! This time, Yes. And, man, they were good!
(Drawing above - an original work done by Yours Truly. I call this "Massive glass with little wine, confusing meat and lacey doiley that becomes hat") *Note - doiley hat drawing (right lower corner) can also be interpreted as my husband's salad