Saturday night, my husband and I were planning to go over to the corn maze at Pierce College, but the parking lot was packed. So what did we do? We went to eat, of course.
Back to Cafe Carolina we went. It was there that we came face to face with Lorraine. Same hair style? Check. Same glasses? Check. Polyester pants pulled up to her chin? Check. Normally I wouldn't have bothered to comment on her clothing. I mean, hey, if someone wants to wear stretch polyester she's free to do so.
I actually didn't even notice this woman until... she swung around, stuck her face practically in my husband's gnocchi and said, "Ahhhhhhh....so thaaaaat's what that stuff looks like?" Her face seemed to hover over my husband's plate for eternity. My husband's mouth hung open. My mouth hung open. And the waitress standing behind her looked mortified. I wanted to laugh out loud so badly, but I held it in.
Then she swung back around and interrogated the waitress: "What's that again, huh?... and that - what's that? Eewww... and what's this sauce with the bread? Isn't there any butter? I want butter. Bread needs butter!"
My husband and I couldn't eat we were laughing too hard.
As we drank our coffees at the end of the meal, Lorraine prepared to leave. And this - for some reason - required her to bend over many times placing her polyestered butt in my husband's face.
So I think I know where Mad TV's Mo Collins got her inspiration for Lorraine - and she's probably somewhere in Encino wearing stretch polyester right now.